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Learning How To Trust After The Betrayal

You’ve been betrayed

You’ve been burned

It’s happened so much that you have no idea how you’ll ever trust again.

You long for that connection that allows you to be free to be yourself, but you know with that connection, comes vulnerability and vulnerability means having to trust.

You can’t read their minds.  You can’t honestly know their intentions.  You hear what they’re saying and it all sounds great, but how can you be sure that it’s true?

The answer is, you can’t.  But here’s what you can do.


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DANGER/CAUTION

Listen to your emotions.  Understand the energy you feel.   You’ve heard that if something doesn’t feel right, it usually isn’t, but you’ve been wrong so many times that you don’t pay attention to it anymore.  Here’s the thing.  Our emotions are not bad.  They are there to help guide us.  Sure, they can be skewed, but if something feels negative and you have no idea why, this is a good indication that there’s more going on with this person than meets the eye.  The truth is, your intuition hasn’t been wrong in the past.  You’ve ignored it.  That’s how you got into that mess.


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TAKE THE BLINDERS OFF

Pay attention to the red flags.  People can’t help much let their true nature come out, even when they’re on their best behavior.  Problem is, when you saw a red flag, you justified their actions because you don’t want to be judgmental.  You want to give them the benefit of the doubt.  After all, up until now, they’ve said and done all the right things.  These seemingly “small slips” give you great insight into this person.  Pay attention.  Stop denying what you feel inside.


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DON'T BE DESPERATE

I get it.  You’ve been lonely.  You’ve wished for this person to come into your life and they finally did! It’s hard to be objective.  You want to see exactly what they are showing you because it’s perfect.  It’s exactly what you’ve been searching for.  This sets you up to fail.  When you are so needy that you refuse to see things the way they really  are, two things happen.  First you forget to listen to your intuition and see the red flags.  Second, you teach this person that they can ultimately act however they want as long as they say the right things because you don’t want to lose them.


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I'M SORRY

Apologize…..to yourself.  You’ve betrayed yourself worse than anyone else has betrayed you.  You’ve told yourself that you are crazy when you’re intuition was screaming that something was wrong.  You’ve told yourself that you’re judgmental when you noticed the red flags.  You’ve told yourself that you don’t know what is best for you and that you can’t trust yourself to know because “you’ve been wrong so many times before,” but if you think back, you’ll find that it’s just not true.  You were right.  You just didn’t listen to yourself.  From a very young age, you were inadvertently taught that you can’t trust yourself.  Mom and Dad knew what was best for you.  You felt things and were told not to.  You wanted to do things and were told “no.”  And as a child, you absolutely didn’t know what was best for you.  You would have run into the road to get the ball with no thought about the danger.  This is so deep rooted that you grew up and still felt that you couldn’t trust yourself to know what is best for you.  So make amends with yourself.  Believe in yourself.  You really do know what’s best for you.


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BE YOUR OWN HERO

When you finally realize that it’s not others that you need to trust; it’s YOU, this is when you can begin to be vulnerable and connected.  It doesn’t matter who others are.  It only matters that you are listening to your feelings and intuition, paying attention to the red flags, not allowing yourself to be desperate enough to believe the lies and loving yourself enough to have your own back and ultimately, GET YOURSELF OUT OF A BAD SITUATION if you need to.  This is when you can truly begin to connect.  So, if you want to be able to begin to trust, start with yourself.  Trust you. 


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