“Transparency Is The Currency Of Trust”- Freda Lewis-Hall
Ever tried looking through a dirty window? You can’t see the beauty on the other side (or tell if there’s beauty on the other side). This is what it’s like for people if you don’t speak honestly about how you are feeling or what you are thinking. If you are sad and say that you’re not, how would they know to comfort you? If you want to bond with someone (really bond), you must be real. Be authentic.
“What Makes You Vulnerable Makes You Beautiful” – Brene Brown
When someone is vulnerable, we seem to connect with them. Think of a time when someone felt inferior and shared that with you. Chances are, it drew you closer to that person. You didn’t judge them, instead, you found sameness and felt a deeper bond. Being vulnerable allows others the same gift of bonding. Most of the time, people will open up to you if they feel you are willing to open up to them.
“If You Don’t Ask, The Answer Is Always No”
Try to begin your discussions with a goal. Let the other person know what it is that you would like to get out of the conversation. Do you want to vent? Say it. Do you want feedback or advice? Say it. Do you want to resolve something? Say it. Let them know the role that you will play in the conversation and let them know the role you are requesting them to play too. They can’t read your mind.
“Clarity Afford Focus” – Thomas Leonard
Say what you mean and mean what you say. The average attention span during a conversation is only a few minutes. So if you want your loved one to hear you, get to the point. Leave all of the extras out of the conversation. State your main point, back it up and allow them to respond before moving on to the next.
“Love Without Communication Is Impossible”- Mortimor Adler
Unfortunately, many of us are in relationships where we are not able to be authentic and vulnerable. We are not able to say what we need to say, for fear of some sort of punishment (verbal, emotional or physical). I would encourage you to consider this and think about whether this relationship is good for you or not. In healthy relationships, these ideas are not just “ok,” they are necessary.