What does last week’s story have to do with “love”.
As a teen you are probably confused about my story. It seems tragic. Almost sad. And no connection to love. We would think.
I did not want to give cliche information about what a teen should or should not being doing about love. I wanted to paint a larger image about the core of what WE, as individuals, could be perceiving as love.
This is about healing and growing. Not about bandaids and heartache.
With terms like “attachment theory” and “parent child relationship” we can gather that our child hood experiences can contribute to the way we live out love. Those 5 senses we have helping us develop our view of love.
With a father fairly absent, and a mother not able to connect emotionally, love was not something I thought about. I was more concerned with my safety. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs further explains this evolution into self-actualization.
How can I love if I do not feel safe? How can I love if I am concerned about my next meal? How can I love if I do not understand relationships? How can I love if I have not developed self-worth or confidence?
How can I love if I cannot see past my physical attraction to someone and see them as a whole being: physical, intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, and sexual?
As a young man I sought out connection: just someone to pay attention to me. Interpreting physical attraction as the only indicator to connection with another human being. She’s cute. I am in.
My misunderstanding about what was really happening caused a lot of heartache. Turning those interactions into reasons why I was incapable of finding love. And still, I had no idea what is was. My only image being painted by entertainment, porn, and my parents.
Insecure. Unaware. Unequipped. Ill prepared. For something so vast as the subject of love.
So, my perception of love started off with wanting to fill those voids: full attention I did not receive from my parents, physical affection I did not experience, and safety and security of someone being present.
I wanted someone to adore me. I wanted someone to promise me the world. Someone to be present when I called on them. Someone to “make” me feel safe and secure. Viewing relationships to please me. Make me happy.
By the end of this series I promise love will triumph. And I must lay a foundation as this. To help you GROW past insecurities and inherited beliefs blocking the flow of love.
So, again, think back. In what ways are you searching for love?